Today I had my last appointment with my wonderful doctor, Dr. McKenzie. I am really going to miss him and the nurses and going to my appointments over at OBGYN-South! My appointment went really well and I left feeling a lot better than I have lately about the rest of my prenatal care. Basically, Dr. M explained that I will go back to see Dr. Owen (who diagnosed Emma Kate) and they will make sure that I am taken care of by that office. If for some reason I am not comfortable with Dr. Owen and that group of doctors, Dr. M's office will look into another Maternal/Fetal OB at UAB. Essentially, they want to be assured, just as I do, that I will be well taken care of! That made me feel wonderful and a lot less stressed! Dr. M also encouraged me to call or email him if I want clarification or just his thoughts on anything else that I will encounter over at UAB. I really appreciated that.
I don't go over to see Dr. Owen again until June 12. My next doctor visit will be with Dr. Colvin, Emma Kate's pediatric cardiologist, next Wednesday, the 28th.
I just got finished reading the story of a little boy named Phillip, who was born in 1996 with HLHS. He was diagnosed after birth. His story was not easy for me to read, as I am sure that Emma Kate will be going through just about all he went through. I teared up quite a lot and wondered how I will feel when I have to face these situations. What I liked about this site was that it was very readable (if that makes any sense.) I am assuming that Phillip's dad wrote out his story and it is very thorough and explains all that they went through really well. If you are interested in reading it, click here. I found this link through Erika's blog on her baby, Samson. She's got a great list of resources, and I look at them a lot. (Thank you, Erika!)
Also, thanks ladies, for the sweet words of encouragement! I know in my heart that I couldn't have changed anything with EK's situation but I really appreciate all of the reassurance. :)
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
Today I went to Babies 'R Us to look for an inflatable toddler bed for when we travel. Since Anna Brooke has smoothly transitioned into a "big girl bed" we will not be bringing her Pack 'N Play with us when we visit the grandparents. Not to mention she is probably too big for it and once Emma Kate is born, she will occupy the Pack 'N Play. So I am trying to find a good alternative. They didn't have anything close to what I was looking for, but it was so much fun wandering (actually chasing after Anna Brooke) through the aisles of baby stuff. I don't think I had been in Babies 'R Us in forever! I found some really sweet baby stuff that I would love to get when the time gets closer for Emma Kate to arrive. And I realized when I was looking at all the pinks and yellows and pretty ribbons and soft blankets that I am so glad we are having another girl! I was definitely glad before, but for some reason, I just got really excited about it.
Actually, it has been kind of hard for me the past couple of days. I keep picturing this birth as being harder emotionally for me since we will have so much going on right after EK is born. No longer do I have the peace of mind I had before she was diagnosed with HLHS. I will have to surrender my precious baby to doctors that will perform some very detailed surgery on her. Not to mention she will be in the NICU for probably a month after she's born. It is just so scary and I hurt for her. I know that this surgery is the only way she will survive, but I still hurt that she has to go through it in the first place. Yesterday Brooks was reading a blog about a little boy with this same heart condition and it was describing how he was going back for his third and final surgery. I just started crying and asking myself, "Why does she have to go through this? I don't want her to!" Emma Kate is moving around in my womb so much now! It is incredible! I love knowing that she is doing okay. I wish I could keep her in me forever so that she doesn't have to face all that she will after she's born.
I know I can't blame myself for anything, but I've been questioning a lot of my actions in the beginning of this pregnancy. I know her heart was forming by week 8 and I often wonder, (mostly in the back of my mind, I don't usually voice it): is the reason EK has HLHS because I didn't do something right? Did I not eat the right foods? Did I forget to take my prenatal vitamins one day? What happened? Could I have prevented it? I don't usually stay for very long in that place because I know there is nothing I can do now except pray for her and her doctors and know that God is in control!
Thanks for your continued prayers. :)
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Peace
I am so thankful that today we had our appointment with Dr. Colvin, the pediatric cardiologist. God truly answered our prayers in that we had all of our questions answered and felt such a peace about everything Emma Kate will go through when she is born.
Of course, we started off sitting in the waiting room for awhile. There was one pregnant woman in the waiting room and an older girl. Then a tiny little girl and her daddy came in and all I could think about was how I will probably spend the first few years of Emma Kate's life taking her to visit this doctor in the same office. This little girl was so tiny and precious, and she looked so happy. It made me tear up when she smiled at her daddy. I knew she must be a heart patient since she was waiting on the same doctor we were seeing, and that made me sad. But it also gave me hope. Lately, when I have been feeling really sad about Emma Kate's heart and wondering what her life will be like after she's born, I go and look at these other stories of "heart kids" and see that they are living a fairly normal life. That gives me a lot of peace and comfort. I know God uses these people to comfort others and I pray that one day I might be able to be of some help to others, too.
During our appointment with Dr. Colvin, he did an echocardiogram (which is basically an ultrasound of the heart) and looked at her heart. It was almost the same exact thing that Dr. Owen did yesterday. However, Dr. Colvin explained every little detail he saw on the screen. It really amazed me that he was so incredibly knowledgeable on the heart and what he was seeing. To a regular person, (me) it just looks like a fuzzy black and white screen, but he explained to us that Emma Kate's heart, with the exception to her left ventricle and aorta, seem to be in good condition. The blood was flowing in the directions that it needed to and the openings that needed to be there were there! It was good news! I will go back to see him again in 1 month.
Tonight, around 6:30, my regular doctor, Dr. McKenzie called me. (He is also the doctor that delivered Anna Brooke.) Basically, he called to tell me that he has been thinking and praying for us and that he got a report from Dr. Colvin today and was going over it. He also gave me some disappointing news. Dr. McKenzie explained that the relational side of him wants me to deliver at Brookwood Hospital (where his practice is, and where I had hoped to deliver Emma Kate) but from a medical standpoint, he said it would be better if I were to deliver at UAB Hospital. Dr. Colvin also addressed this in our appointment today. Emma Kate won't need to have her first surgery until a week or two after she is born. However, if something were to go wrong during her delivery or right after, we would need to be at UAB right away. Therefore, as Dr. McKenzie explained, it would be better medically for me to deliver at UAB. This means that I will only have one more appointment with him and for the remainder of my prenatal care, I will see the doctors from Dr. Owen's office.
At first I was kind of upset about this, mainly from my impression of Dr. Owen yesterday. However, Dr. McKenzie seemed very confident and happy with him, and I do trust what he says and recommends. So I have a peace about it. Actually, I had no idea until tonight that Dr. Owen even delivered babies. I thought he just identified problems in utero. Apparently he is an OB doctor as well. Dr. McKenzie also explained that since I will be at UAB and will have new doctors, there will probably also be other residents and fellows, who are doctors but are learning a more specialized area, to assist in Emma Kate's birth and/or my prenatal care. It made me think of Grey's Anatomy for some reason. I am actually not nervous about this, though. I know God's will is being done in my life, my family's lives and Emma Kate's life. I know it is in His control and that all things are being done for His glory.
This birth will probably be different in many ways from Anna Brooke's. It will be a completely different hospital with different doctors and nurses and things will be w-a-y different after Emma Kate is born. But I have peace about it. And I know that God is giving me this peace because He is in control.
Of course, we started off sitting in the waiting room for awhile. There was one pregnant woman in the waiting room and an older girl. Then a tiny little girl and her daddy came in and all I could think about was how I will probably spend the first few years of Emma Kate's life taking her to visit this doctor in the same office. This little girl was so tiny and precious, and she looked so happy. It made me tear up when she smiled at her daddy. I knew she must be a heart patient since she was waiting on the same doctor we were seeing, and that made me sad. But it also gave me hope. Lately, when I have been feeling really sad about Emma Kate's heart and wondering what her life will be like after she's born, I go and look at these other stories of "heart kids" and see that they are living a fairly normal life. That gives me a lot of peace and comfort. I know God uses these people to comfort others and I pray that one day I might be able to be of some help to others, too.
During our appointment with Dr. Colvin, he did an echocardiogram (which is basically an ultrasound of the heart) and looked at her heart. It was almost the same exact thing that Dr. Owen did yesterday. However, Dr. Colvin explained every little detail he saw on the screen. It really amazed me that he was so incredibly knowledgeable on the heart and what he was seeing. To a regular person, (me) it just looks like a fuzzy black and white screen, but he explained to us that Emma Kate's heart, with the exception to her left ventricle and aorta, seem to be in good condition. The blood was flowing in the directions that it needed to and the openings that needed to be there were there! It was good news! I will go back to see him again in 1 month.
Tonight, around 6:30, my regular doctor, Dr. McKenzie called me. (He is also the doctor that delivered Anna Brooke.) Basically, he called to tell me that he has been thinking and praying for us and that he got a report from Dr. Colvin today and was going over it. He also gave me some disappointing news. Dr. McKenzie explained that the relational side of him wants me to deliver at Brookwood Hospital (where his practice is, and where I had hoped to deliver Emma Kate) but from a medical standpoint, he said it would be better if I were to deliver at UAB Hospital. Dr. Colvin also addressed this in our appointment today. Emma Kate won't need to have her first surgery until a week or two after she is born. However, if something were to go wrong during her delivery or right after, we would need to be at UAB right away. Therefore, as Dr. McKenzie explained, it would be better medically for me to deliver at UAB. This means that I will only have one more appointment with him and for the remainder of my prenatal care, I will see the doctors from Dr. Owen's office.
At first I was kind of upset about this, mainly from my impression of Dr. Owen yesterday. However, Dr. McKenzie seemed very confident and happy with him, and I do trust what he says and recommends. So I have a peace about it. Actually, I had no idea until tonight that Dr. Owen even delivered babies. I thought he just identified problems in utero. Apparently he is an OB doctor as well. Dr. McKenzie also explained that since I will be at UAB and will have new doctors, there will probably also be other residents and fellows, who are doctors but are learning a more specialized area, to assist in Emma Kate's birth and/or my prenatal care. It made me think of Grey's Anatomy for some reason. I am actually not nervous about this, though. I know God's will is being done in my life, my family's lives and Emma Kate's life. I know it is in His control and that all things are being done for His glory.
This birth will probably be different in many ways from Anna Brooke's. It will be a completely different hospital with different doctors and nurses and things will be w-a-y different after Emma Kate is born. But I have peace about it. And I know that God is giving me this peace because He is in control.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Her Diagnosis
We had an appointment in the Fetal Anomolies clinic today at UAB hospital with Dr. John Owen. He performed an ultrasound and we got several measurements on Emma Kate's body and he indeed confirmed a diagnosis of Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. The technology was pretty amazing; we were able to see the blood flow in and out of her heart. Dr. Owen was obviously very educated and knew exactly what he was looking at. But not all of my questions were answered today. I had written down a list of about 25 questions. But he was not the person to ask these questions to. He was very "textbook" as Brooks put it. He just described what was going on, but there wasn't a whole lot of empathy going on... I think he was just trying to do his job and the way he explained things was very clinical and technical. I just left the office thinking that now I have more questions than answers.
Of course, this diagnosis was not news that we wanted to hear. But we continue to be faithful in prayer. Thank you, everyone, who has been praying for Emma Kate and our family. Your prayers mean so very much to us! I guess to describe the way I am feeling is to say that I am not quite sure. I just don't know how to process it. All I do at this point is cry when I think about my daughter being born with HLHS. I know that this will be an uphill battle we are facing, but I also believe that God's will for our lives is perfect, and that no mistake has been made. I look at Anna Brooke and I think about when she was born and how much love I have for her and it makes things hard. I think that as a first-time mom, I was paranoid about little things with her. I can't imagine how I am going to feel when Emma Kate is born.
She will, indeed need surgery. Tomorrow morning at 9:30 we have an appointment with a Pediatric Cardiologist named Dr. Colvin. I pray that we get more answers and more comfort knowing what will be the outcome of this condition. I pray that this doctor is more empathetic and allows us time to ask all the questions we have and gives us clear answers. More tomorrow...
Of course, this diagnosis was not news that we wanted to hear. But we continue to be faithful in prayer. Thank you, everyone, who has been praying for Emma Kate and our family. Your prayers mean so very much to us! I guess to describe the way I am feeling is to say that I am not quite sure. I just don't know how to process it. All I do at this point is cry when I think about my daughter being born with HLHS. I know that this will be an uphill battle we are facing, but I also believe that God's will for our lives is perfect, and that no mistake has been made. I look at Anna Brooke and I think about when she was born and how much love I have for her and it makes things hard. I think that as a first-time mom, I was paranoid about little things with her. I can't imagine how I am going to feel when Emma Kate is born.
She will, indeed need surgery. Tomorrow morning at 9:30 we have an appointment with a Pediatric Cardiologist named Dr. Colvin. I pray that we get more answers and more comfort knowing what will be the outcome of this condition. I pray that this doctor is more empathetic and allows us time to ask all the questions we have and gives us clear answers. More tomorrow...
Monday, April 28, 2008
Healed
With all of the wonderful sweet messages, emails, comments, and especially prayers coming our way for sweet Emma Kate, I thought I would share some lyrics to a song that has touched me recently. My mom recieved an email that reminded her that we should certainly be praying for healing for this little girl.
"By his stripes we are healed." Isaiah 53:5
I believe with all my heart that the Lord will heal Emma Kate. Whether in or out of the womb is unseen by us. It is my job, as her mother to pray and to trust that God is going to take care of her and He will heal her. The lyrics are to a song called Healed by Nichole Nordeman.
We stutter and we stammer til You say usA symphony of chaos til You play usPhrases on the pages of unknown, til you read us into poetry and proseWe are kept and we are captive til You free usVaguely unimagined til You dream usAimlessly unguided til You lead us home.And by Your voice we speakBy Your strength no longer weak, we are no longer weakBy Your wounds we are healedBy Your wounds we are healedPassed over and passed by until You claim usOrphaned and abandoned til You name usHidden and disclosed til You expose our heartsAnd by Your death we liveIt is by Your gift that we might give, that we might giveWhat kind of love would take Your shame and spill his blood for You?And save us by His wounds...
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Her Heart
Tuesday, April 22, 2008, is a day that I won't soon forget.
I had my appointment and follow-up sono from last month. The reason I had to have a follow-up sono is because the technician had a hard time getting a good picture of Emma Kate's heart. (This same situation happened with Anna Brooke, so I was not alarmed.) However, this time, the tech, named Lee, kept checking and re-checking and said she couldn't see all 4 chambers. After about 20 minutes of having a tough time, she went to get the other tech, Abby, so that she could check out her heart. Abby was also unable to see Emma Kate's heart. I was still not too alarmed, I figured that Emma Kate was just in a difficult position. But the facial expressions on both Lee & Abby made me feel less secure. Then Lee said that I may need to see another doctor with more specialized equipment who could see the heart better. She said she would go get the doctor to have a look. At this point, I was starting to panic a little bit. Usually doctors don't come into the sono room, do they?! Could something possibly be wrong with my daughter's heart? Why else would the doctor come in to look?
While Lee was gone and Abby continued go over and over my belly with the wand in an attempt to get a good look, I started to tear up. I didn't want to say or ask anything for fear of hearing bad news. About 10 minutes later, the doctor, not my regular doctor, but still a doctor I trust, came in. He immediately came over to me and held my hand. I really started crying at that point because I thought, "why would he come comfort me if nothing was wrong?"
After that, the doctor basically said, "This is what we think is wrong: your daughter may have Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome." After that he said that they are all very talented doctors and sonographers, but they are not heart specialists. I am being referred to a specialist in Maternal/Fetal Medicine at UAB hospital. He went on to say this is not a common condition and that they have seen this one other time in 10 years.
Either way, I went home not knowing anything about HLHS. So immediately when I got home and told Brooks our news (he was not at the appointment with me) we did a lot of research online. I was glad to find a lot of information on this subject. If you are interested in knowing more, here is a link with some basic information. Of course, we did a lot of crying and praying that afternoon, still not really understanding what all this means.
Since we have found out this news, our hearts have been heavy, but we know that God is in control! That brings us so much comfort. We are overwhelmed with all of the prayers and support we are getting from others. Brooks even started a blog describing his thoughts on everything, and we've had lots of people let us know that they are praying for us and for Emma Kate. We are SO GRATEFUL! Thanks to everyone who is praying with us!
Please be praying for us this Wednesday, when we have our appointment at UAB hospital. Our appointment is 8 am CST. I will keep updating as we get news.
I had my appointment and follow-up sono from last month. The reason I had to have a follow-up sono is because the technician had a hard time getting a good picture of Emma Kate's heart. (This same situation happened with Anna Brooke, so I was not alarmed.) However, this time, the tech, named Lee, kept checking and re-checking and said she couldn't see all 4 chambers. After about 20 minutes of having a tough time, she went to get the other tech, Abby, so that she could check out her heart. Abby was also unable to see Emma Kate's heart. I was still not too alarmed, I figured that Emma Kate was just in a difficult position. But the facial expressions on both Lee & Abby made me feel less secure. Then Lee said that I may need to see another doctor with more specialized equipment who could see the heart better. She said she would go get the doctor to have a look. At this point, I was starting to panic a little bit. Usually doctors don't come into the sono room, do they?! Could something possibly be wrong with my daughter's heart? Why else would the doctor come in to look?
While Lee was gone and Abby continued go over and over my belly with the wand in an attempt to get a good look, I started to tear up. I didn't want to say or ask anything for fear of hearing bad news. About 10 minutes later, the doctor, not my regular doctor, but still a doctor I trust, came in. He immediately came over to me and held my hand. I really started crying at that point because I thought, "why would he come comfort me if nothing was wrong?"
After that, the doctor basically said, "This is what we think is wrong: your daughter may have Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome." After that he said that they are all very talented doctors and sonographers, but they are not heart specialists. I am being referred to a specialist in Maternal/Fetal Medicine at UAB hospital. He went on to say this is not a common condition and that they have seen this one other time in 10 years.
Either way, I went home not knowing anything about HLHS. So immediately when I got home and told Brooks our news (he was not at the appointment with me) we did a lot of research online. I was glad to find a lot of information on this subject. If you are interested in knowing more, here is a link with some basic information. Of course, we did a lot of crying and praying that afternoon, still not really understanding what all this means.
Since we have found out this news, our hearts have been heavy, but we know that God is in control! That brings us so much comfort. We are overwhelmed with all of the prayers and support we are getting from others. Brooks even started a blog describing his thoughts on everything, and we've had lots of people let us know that they are praying for us and for Emma Kate. We are SO GRATEFUL! Thanks to everyone who is praying with us!
Please be praying for us this Wednesday, when we have our appointment at UAB hospital. Our appointment is 8 am CST. I will keep updating as we get news.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
And her name is...
Emma Kate!
It actually wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be to name this child! The name has been at the back of my mind for years. This is my great-aunt's name. I love family names and I just love double names, too. (So, yes, we are going to be calling her by both!) Actually, I also found out that my great-grandmother and Brooks' great-grandmother were also named Emma. Isn't that neat!?
So, Emma Kate has been getting stronger by the day! I can feel her kicks more and more. I read yesterday that at this point in my pregnancy she should weigh around 1 pound. How exciting!
I have been seeing pairs of little girls everywhere and it just warms my heart. I am very excited about bringing another little girl into this world. I know Anna Brooke will be a wonderful big sister. We are telling her all the time about Emma Kate and I am not so sure she understands anything at this point. We would like to prepare her as much as possible, though. :)
I am feeling great! My energy level is really good and I am so proud that I am past the half-way point! Only 18 weeks to go, yay! I enjoy being pregnant, but I am very excited about her arrival. I am also beginning to realize that my time alone with Anna Brooke is going fast. The weeks are going to fly by, I know. I am taking every opportunity to spend quality time with her and let her know how much Mommy loves her. I am afraid she might get jealous when Emma Kate arrives and that would break my heart, but I am hopeful that she will be my little helper and just love on her baby sister! So, be praying about that. My next doctor visit is Tuesday and I get to have another ultrasound, yay! The technician said she couldn't get a great view of the 4 chambers of her heart last time, (obviously it is beating and everything is ok) but we are going to take a peek at her again just to get a good picture of her heart.
And I think we'll double-check to make sure that Emma Kate is 100% positively a girl! :)
It actually wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be to name this child! The name has been at the back of my mind for years. This is my great-aunt's name. I love family names and I just love double names, too. (So, yes, we are going to be calling her by both!) Actually, I also found out that my great-grandmother and Brooks' great-grandmother were also named Emma. Isn't that neat!?
So, Emma Kate has been getting stronger by the day! I can feel her kicks more and more. I read yesterday that at this point in my pregnancy she should weigh around 1 pound. How exciting!
I have been seeing pairs of little girls everywhere and it just warms my heart. I am very excited about bringing another little girl into this world. I know Anna Brooke will be a wonderful big sister. We are telling her all the time about Emma Kate and I am not so sure she understands anything at this point. We would like to prepare her as much as possible, though. :)
I am feeling great! My energy level is really good and I am so proud that I am past the half-way point! Only 18 weeks to go, yay! I enjoy being pregnant, but I am very excited about her arrival. I am also beginning to realize that my time alone with Anna Brooke is going fast. The weeks are going to fly by, I know. I am taking every opportunity to spend quality time with her and let her know how much Mommy loves her. I am afraid she might get jealous when Emma Kate arrives and that would break my heart, but I am hopeful that she will be my little helper and just love on her baby sister! So, be praying about that. My next doctor visit is Tuesday and I get to have another ultrasound, yay! The technician said she couldn't get a great view of the 4 chambers of her heart last time, (obviously it is beating and everything is ok) but we are going to take a peek at her again just to get a good picture of her heart.
And I think we'll double-check to make sure that Emma Kate is 100% positively a girl! :)
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