Four Weeks and Counting...

We are getting things packed up in the Keisler household. Slowly but surely. This weekend Brooks & I spent the good majority of our time putting our things in boxes. I have yet to touch Anna Brooke's room, though. I want to keep that as normal as we can until the last possible moment. For her sake. I just feel so bad for my sweet girl. She will be going through so much in the next month and a half. I hate that we have to add moving into the equation. But this is the best thing for us, I think. Next weekend is when we will have our new apartment and we will actually be moving. I can't wait to be done packing and get as settled as possible in our new (and thankfully bigger) place! I am glad we have already started the packing process and gotten a good chunk of it done, because honestly I am so exhausted! I can't believe that I only have 4 weeks until my due date!

This morning I got a message from Dr. Ramsey at MFM. We met with him last Thursday to discuss the possibility of delivering here in Bham and then having Emma Kate transported to Egleston once she is stabilized after birth. He ran it by Dr. Colvin, our cardiologist, who stated that delivering in Birmingham will carry similar risks to delivering in Atlanta. He said he didn't see any reason why we should not deliver here. What a relief!! I am very thankful that these doctors seem to agree that this will be the best decision for our family all around. I am just praying for little Emma Kate that she will be born as healthy as she possibly can.

Where have the last 36 weeks gone? I regret not really truly enjoying my pregnancy. I have felt so much stress; it has been hard to put all of my emotions and the reality of this situation on the back burner and just concentrate on having another precious daughter. I am going to try, as hard as it will be, to just focus on getting excited about Emma Kate's arrival. I guess it truly could be any day now. All in God's timing.

In case you're interested, I have put up a few new links about HLHS and the Norwood procedure in the left column. These have really helped me understand more in detail the surgery and what all it entails. Thank you for your continued prayers and support. We are truly thankful for everyone out there who is praying for us and for little Emma Kate.

Half of an Angel's Heart

I found this story on another HLHSer's blog. I cried when I read it, but I love it.

It's a beautiful day up in heaven. Jesus is rounding up his tiniest angels, to go live on earth, and be born. One of the sweetest angels says to Jesus "I don't want to leave, I like it here, and I will miss you". He reassures the scared little angel that everything will be okay, and that she is just going for a visit. She is still not swayed on this idea. So Jesus kneels down, and says, "How about if you leave half of your heart here with me and take the other half with you, will that be okay?" The angel smiles and says, "I guess that will work". But the little angel is still a little scared. She asks, "Will I be okay with only half of my heart?" Jesus replies, "Of course you will, I have other angels there that will help out, and you will be fine." Then Jesus gives the angel more details about his plan. He says "When you are born, your mommy will be scared, so you have to be strong, and when you feel weak just remember that I have the other half of your heart." "Enjoy your time with your family, play and laugh everyday." "And when its time to come back to heaven, I will make your heart whole again. Always remember that you are not broken, just torn between two loves."

-Author Unknown

Change of Plans?

I think I might be changing my mind about some stuff with Emma Kate's birth. Brooks and I were talking yesterday about the move and other things. I was telling him how much I want to be close to him before I go into labor. I am dreading going to Atlanta by myself with Anna Brooke. It isn't that I mind staying with friends and/or family, but I want him to be there if anything were to happen. I also want AB to have as much normalcy as possible. I know we are moving, but if we go to Atlanta to have EK, we will be away from home much longer than I had originally planned. Anyway, my thoughts are this: what if we go ahead and move as planned... but I don't go to Atlanta to have EK? What are the pros? What are the cons? Let's see:

PROS of staying in Birmingham to give birth:

• We will be able to get slightly more settled into our new apartment (hopefully) before EK is born.
• AB will be at home instead of away from home.
• We will be able to spend as much time with Brooks as possible.
• Brooks will be there when I go into labor or when I am induced.
• I already know the doctors who will deliver EK.
• The hospital/downtown area is more familiar to me than Northside/Atlanta.
• AB will be able to stay at home when I deliver instead of being at someone else's home that she isn't familiar with.

CONS of staying in Bham:

• Safety of EK? (For example, if she is really sick and needs to have surgery immediately we will be 2 hours from Egleston).

PROS of going to Atlanta:

• We will be 15 minutes from Egleston.
• We will already be kind of situated in Atlanta, where we will most likely be for at least 3-4 weeks.
• We have family/friends that are close by and more than willing to help. (Thank you!)

CONS of going to ATL:

• We will be away from home.
• Unfamiliarity with Northside and Dr. Howard's practice. (I don't remember if I have said this already, but I am having a really tough time getting my records over to his office for whatever reason. Plus, this is the only office we had trouble with on the day of our visit. They didn't know what was going on with me or our situation. Plus, they are not high-risk docs).
• I will have to get myself established with yet another doctor, a neonatologist, for after EK is born. (I already have this established in Bham).
• We won't be able to get very settled into our apartment before AB and I have to drive to Atlanta.
• We will be 2 hours away from Brooks.
• If I go into labor, what exactly would I do with AB? Especially without Brooks being there?
• Brooks will have to drive 2 hours to ATL if I do go into labor.
• I feel a lot more uncertainty going to ATL and giving birth there than I do here.

I want to make sure that if we do choose to deliver in Birmingham I am not compromising the safety of my daughter. That is my number one concern. I don't want something to go wrong with her and us be 2 hours away from her surgery site. Brooks and I plan to touch base with doctors on this end and in Atlanta before we decide for sure. Please pray with us as we make a decision!

I had a MFM appointment yesterday and ultrasound. All is looking good with Emma Kate. She weighs exactly 5 pounds and is measuring 34 weeks. Right on target! Dr. Kimberlin said I was measuring a week or two smaller than I should, but it is not a problem since EK is measuring well. Good news!

Dr. Owen peformed the ultrasound. If you remember from waaay back, he was the doctor who diagnosed EK and who I was not especially pleased with. However, I have to say that he was truly wonderful this time. Just seemed really sweet and understanding. I think a lot of the reason I "didn't like him" last time was because I was so apprehensive about seeing someone like him in the first place. Plus, he was not my normal doctor, etc. My feelings have changed. I really wish now that this group of doctors could deliver EK.

Anyway, Dr. Owen stated that since we are planning on delivering in Atlanta, and this is my second pregnancy, he would like me to "move over" to Atlanta between 36 and 37 weeks at the latest just in case I go into labor. He would also like me to have the rest of my appointments with Dr. Howard at Peachtree Women's Clinic. Normally, this would not be a problem, because we've got options on where we can stay, etc. However, what makes this complicated is that on August 1st we are planning to move. Our lease where we live now ends right at my due date, so we have decided that moving earlier would be easier. And I guess it would be if we didn't have to go over to ATL so soon.

On August 1st I will be exactly 36 weeks and 5 days, putting me almost at 37 weeks. Please pray that I do not go into labor until after we have gone to Atlanta! I am hoping that Emma Kate will find her little home in my womb so comfy that I have to be induced at 40 weeks or so. Dr. Owen expressed that he does not want an induction scheduled prior to 39 weeks. Personally, I don't either. The problems will start when she is born. She is just fine right now. I will stay pregnant with her as long as necessary! And I truly mean that. As much as I want to meet Emma Kate, I know that she is doing fine right now and I want her to continue to get as big and healthy as she can so she can be stable for her surgery!

My prayer request is this: packing and moving go smoothly and as easily as possible, I do not go into labor until after we are in Atlanta, and all my appointments go well and that Emma Kate stays healthy!

Let me also say that yesterday I had a complete meltdown. All of this is so overwhelming. This has not been easy at all. None of it. I know from my blog it might sound like I am just taking it all in stride and going with the flow, but I am not. I am protesting every little thing in my mind. I am asking "why does it have to happen this way?" all the time. I have become really disappointed with myself. Blogging about it helps. Praying about it helps. But I stay stressed. I can't do that. For me, for big sis, for Brooks and especially for Emma Kate, I cannot keep stressing. And I guess that should be on my prayer request list, too.

Huge Prayer Request

I had a MFM appointment yesterday and ultrasound. All is looking good with Emma Kate. She weighs exactly 5 pounds and is measuring 34 weeks. Right on target! Dr. Kimberlin said I was measuring a week or two smaller than I should, but it is not a problem since EK is measuring well. Good news!

Dr. Owen peformed the ultrasound. If you remember from waaay back, he was the doctor who diagnosed EK and who I was not especially pleased with. However, I have to say that he was truly wonderful this time. Just seemed really sweet and understanding. I think a lot of the reason I "didn't like him" last time was because I was so apprehensive about seeing someone like him in the first place. Plus, he was not my normal doctor, etc. My feelings have changed. I really wish now that this group of doctors could deliver EK.

Anyway, Dr. Owen stated that since we are planning on delivering in Atlanta, and this is my second pregnancy, he would like me to "move over" to Atlanta between 36 and 37 weeks at the latest just in case I go into labor. He would also like me to have the rest of my appointments with Dr. Howard at Peachtree Women's Clinic. Normally, this would not be a problem, because we've got options on where we can stay, etc. However, what makes this complicated is that on August 1st we are planning to move. Our lease where we live now ends right at my due date, so we have decided that moving earlier would be easier. And I guess it would be if we didn't have to go over to ATL so soon.

On August 1st I will be exactly 36 weeks and 5 days, putting me almost at 37 weeks. Please pray that I do not go into labor until after we have gone to Atlanta! I am hoping that Emma Kate will find her little home in my womb so comfy that I have to be induced at 40 weeks or so. Dr. Owen expressed that he does not want an induction scheduled prior to 39 weeks. Personally, I don't either. The problems will start when she is born. She is just fine right now. I will stay pregnant with her as long as necessary! And I truly mean that. As much as I want to meet Emma Kate, I know that she is doing fine right now and I want her to continue to get as big and healthy as she can so she can be stable for her surgery!

My prayer request is this: packing and moving go smoothly and as easily as possible, I do not go into labor until after we are in Atlanta, and all my appointments go well and that Emma Kate stays healthy!

Let me also say that yesterday I had a complete meltdown. All of this is so overwhelming. This has not been easy at all. None of it. I know from my blog it might sound like I am just taking it all in stride and going with the flow, but I am not. I am protesting every little thing in my mind. I am asking "why does it have to happen this way?" all the time. I have become really disappointed with myself. Blogging about it helps. Praying about it helps. But I stay stressed. I can't do that. For me, for Anna Brooke, for Brooks and especially for Emma Kate, I cannot keep stressing. And I guess that should be on my prayer request list, too.

Warning: This is really long!

I am so glad that we were able to make it to Atlanta last Thursday! Our day was packed full of appointments. I can't imagine waiting any longer to know all of the things that we know now! We had four appointments in all: one with a pediatric/fetal cardiologist, Dr. Samai, a tour of the entire "heart floor" including the CICU (cardiac intensive care unit) and Step-Down Unit. Later on we drove over to meet with a perinatal consultant, Dr. Allen, who is basically just like my OB/Gyn here in Birmingham. He deals with high-risk pregnancies mostly, however, Dr. Allen will not deliver Emma Kate. Lastly, we went over and met Dr. Howard, another OB/Gyn who, he or one of his partners, will be delivering Emma Kate. It was definitely a crazy day!

We got to Atlanta on Wednesday night and stayed at the Ronald McDonald House. It was brand-new and we stayed in a room that had not been used before. Kiki arrived ahead of us and was able to show us around the place before Brooks and I went to get some food. After that we all just went to bed. It was late! RMD House was only 1 mile away from Egleston, where our first appointment was with Dr. Samai. Kiki took Anna Brooke for the day, which was great! I can't imagine toting a toddler around all day with us. (Thank you so much, Kathy!) I was thankful that we were close to the hospital because we were running a tad late. It didn't seem to be a problem at all, though.

Brooks and I were in the waiting room eating breakfast and I was approached by a nurse named Tracy. She said after our first appointment she would be giving us a tour. About 30 minutes after we arrived, we were called back to have our fetal ECHO. A really nice tech named Joe performed the ECHO and explained just about everything and answered all of our questions. Some questions we had, he could not answer, and we had to wait until the fetal cardiologist, Dr. Samai came in. He was great! Basically, he agreed with the diagnosis of HLHS and said she was a good candidate for the Norwood. He said that her aorta is very, very small, which we knew already. I heard them say 2mm while they were examining the ECHO pictures. However, all of the other parts of her heart seem to be good. Apparently, she's a classic case of HLHS. After EK is born, I believe that Dr. Samai will examine her again. He answered some of our questions and then we waited for Tracy to come get us for our tour.

Tracy was WONDERFUL! She was the sweetest nurse and I felt like I could ask her anything and get a completely honest answer. Brooks and I had no idea what we were about to encounter, though, and I wasn't prepared for the emotions I was about to go through! She led us into the CICU, which is where Emma Kate will be after she has her surgery while she's recovering (and also before her surgery, if I'm not mistaken). Mostly there were just babies in their little bassinets in the big, open room. Each station was closely monitored by a nurse. I believe Tracy said the ratio is 1:2, depending on how many babies they have. When we walked in, we didn't immediately see any children, but Tracy led us over to this teeny-tiny little baby. He was only about 2 weeks old, if that. His name is Hunter and he had his Norwood the week prior. Surrounding Hunter were all kinds of equipment: an external pacemaker, a feeding tube, breathing tube, all kinds of leads and wires were hooked up to his little, tiny body. His little chest was taped up and all he had on was a little diaper and blanket covering his legs. He moved every now and then, and with each movement, I just kept sobbing. He wasn't in pain, though, Tracy assured us. She said these babies are pretty much kept "out" (aka asleep) with the painkillers. Little Hunter had a small stuffed elephant and a couple of pictures on his bassinet and a little sign that said "We Love You Hunter" above him. Brooks and I broke down. I just kept picturing little Emma Kate hooked up to all this stuff keeping her stable. It really made it real to us. This might be hard to look at, but if you are interested, click here to see a picture that is pretty representative of what we saw. This is how Emma Kate will basically look hooked up to everything. This picture is not of Hunter, but of another baby named Luke, (who is now 5 or 6 years old, I believe). The picture is from his website. We learned that in CICU we can stay all day and all night if we want to, as long as we are taking care of ourselves.

After that emotional part of the tour, we were led to the Step-Down Unit on the cardiac floor. This is actually where Emma Kate will be after she leaves CICU. We will be able to sleep in the same room with her and basically take care of her on our own, but always have the nurses right there in case we need anything. She'll still be hooked up to some stuff, but not nearly as much as in CICU. We will also be able to have Anna Brooke visit us as much as we want, except for overnight. In the Step-Down Unit we met a woman who is probably our age who has two boys, ages 2 and 3. BOTH of her boys were born with HLHS!! I could not believe it!! How could she endure having both children with the same heart defect? She was so comforting and reassuring that both her boys act like normal kids. They do everything any other little boy their age would do. I believe that Emma Kate will be the same way.

Brooks and I wanted to talk with one of the surgeons that could be performing the Norwood on Emma Kate. We weren't able to since they were all in surgery. We did find out that Dr. Kirshbom, one of the surgeons, has a certain knack for the Norwood. He's just apparently very talented at it. That is very comforting to me. I know any one of the three heart surgeons will do a wonderful job, though, and I trust any and all of them.

We got a little break for lunch and then headed over to Atlanta Perinatal Consultants at Northside Hospital. My appointment with Dr. Allen was at 1. Like I said before, he is a lot like my current doctors in that he specializes in diagnosing fetal anomalies. We had an ultrasound and found out Emma Kate is weighing in currently at 4 lbs 13 ounces! Can you believe it!? I'm so thrilled! We got to see her little face and cheeks and they actually looked slightly chubby. Chubby for a 4 pounder. :) Finally our last appointment was with Dr. Howard, which went just ok. To make a long story short, I had some trouble with the front office staff. They said they didn't have my records and I was late for the appointment, so I would have to reschedule...

Um, no.

After getting that worked out, we finally saw Dr. Howard, who was a nice doctor, but had no idea about me or our situation until that day. He was unprepared for us, I feel. At least he was understanding to our situation and said he would be in communication with my current OB/Gyn through faxes, etc. I don't need to see him until closer to my due date. That will all depend on how my current OB feels about my progression with the pregnancy and being induced, etc.

All in all, everything went well. I still have a few unanswered questions and a few new ones that popped up in my head after all was said and done Thursday. I hope to have much of those resolved soon. I just can't wait to see my sweet Emma Kate. I am truly getting excited about her arrival! I can't wait to hold her and love on her and sing to her and do all the things you get to do with your newborn baby.

That was fast!

Tonight we are heading over to Atlanta for all our appointments tomorrow morning! I had no idea until yesterday that our appointments with the doctors would be tomorrow! I am glad that it is sooner than later, though. So, hopefully in the next couple of days we will kind of have an idea of what exactly we are going to be going through when Emma Kate is born. We have four different appointments: one with a fetal cardiologist, a meeting with the enitre thoracic team plus a tour of Egleston, an appointment with an anomalies or high-risk doctor as well as a meeting with my new OB. So, please keep us in your thoughts and prayers tomorrow as we go to Atlanta.

Anna Brooke will be going with us and her sweet Kiki has volunteered to help out with watching her all day. I know they will have a good time together! Thank you, Kiki! We love you.

Atlanta

After much thought and prayer, Brooks & I have decided that the best choice for our family is for us to go to Atlanta for Emma Kate's surgery. Not only that, but we are working out delivering her there, as well. I got a call from Dr. Colvin today who said he has been speaking with a fetal cardiologist in Atlanta. He has been so gracious to help us work out all the details. I am really thankful for him! I know we'll have an on-going relationship with him after Emma Kate is born, and I love that he is so caring and wonderful! Dr. Colvin said that sometime today I would be getting a call from the Children's Sibley Heart Center so they can work out a date for us to come to Atlanta and meet.

About 5 seconds after I hung up with Dr. Colvin I got a call from a lady named Betsy, who is truly an angel! She basically told me she is going to take care of all the details of getting us set up in Atlanta. Essentially, she is doing everything that I would have to do, except she knows the system there and works with Sibley. She is setting up a date for us in about 3 weeks to come over to ATL and meet the cardiologists, OB docs, and hopefully get a tour of the ICU, Ronald McDonald house and meet the surgeons. What would I do without her? I don't know, but I'd be lost trying to figure out who to call, etc! Praise God she is being such an advocate for our family! I've been doing some searching on Atlanta Children's Hospital and I love what I am reading about their cardiac team. Please pray for these surgeons, nurses, cardiologists, fellows and social workers, because they will be the ones saving our daughter's life.

I will keep posted updates of our visit and hopefully all the details as they unfold! God has been so good to us through all this, and I know He is working out the details exactly as they should be.

I have a prayer request that isn't related to us as a family. It is for our friends, Braden and Julie Reynolds. We met them over a year ago and have since become good friends. They have a daughter named Anabelle and she and Anna Brooke enjoy playing together. They are the most kind and sweet family. Julie just gave birth to their second daughter, Lila, at the beginning of June. Since her birth, they have been camped out in the hospital with Lila in NICU for an unknown problem. Apparently, the doctors aren't sure what to diagnose baby Lila with, because her symptoms don't fall into one set category. However, they cannot take her home yet and I know this makes for a lot of stress and hard times for the Reynolds. Here is a link to their blog. Please read it and be in prayer for them, for Lila and their doctors as well.